Thoughts

Monday I went to have steamboat BBQ with a good friend of mine. However, when we reached there, it was packed with people, however, we managed to find a place to sit. We reached at 7pm and we could only start at about 7.45pm and only started to eat at abt 8pm. If I was younger, I think I would have yelled at the manager for making us wait for so long. However, that night, I was pretty calm and waited (actually we were supper hunger as we didnt have proper lunch that day). I know my friend was pissed as her body language gave it away, however, I still manage to calm her down too. I was pretty shocked by my reaction. As years gone by I think I have changed bit by bit. I’m impressed.

Today I also realise one thing, I feel that if a person is very into certain things, he/she will put in a lot of effort into it. Making sure that it will work and everything he/she do will be correct. He/she might have forgotten to step back and see their surroundings. And when, things do not turn out the way he/she wanted it to be, he/she will be frustrated and might even blow up his/her temper. At the end of the day he/she might even give up the thing which was once so important to them. Question is ‘Must we see everything to be so important’? To me, I feel that we need to learn to let go sometimes I know it’s hard but we got to try. Hope everyone will come to realise that certain things we cannot take it to seriously and need to learn to let go.

Breathless

Just finish doing my SOP, today, my chest area is supper tight and I keep feeling breathless when doing OMPMH and GYFM. Actually lately I keep feeling tightness at my chest area, however, this tightness is getting stronger and stronger and I keep feeling breathless. I know it has to do with my heart chakra and I need to learn to let go more and open up to the surroundings. I’ll try my best to bland in and open up, but I believe I need some time.

Learning to let go

Last saturday, I send my best frd off at the airport. Usually, seeing her leave, I’ll always feel sad and will drop a tear or two. However, this time round, i did not feel sad at all. I thought about it for a while ‘wondering why did I feel this way? How come I’m being so insensitive? However, I came to realise that everything come and go and nothing last forever. Thus, I believe I have learnt to let go things that are once considered valuable to me.’ I believe xiu xing make me have such feelings, if given a few years back, I would surely cry like mad. I believe that its good to have such feelings at least I am learning the ‘xin jin’ well.

Da Pei Water

Lately I have been doing my Da Pei water and today is my 5th day straight. It is supper tiring after each session. It is as if I have lost a lot of energy and my whole body feels weak. At the same time, when every I reach the 10th – 11th time, my hands will start to move back and forth, it is as if I am prying to something. Today my body starts to move back and forth. I didnt care much of the movements thou, just do and if my body moves, I move lor and if my hands move i also just move. Hope I’m doing the right thing.

Xiu Xing

20 Sept 09

Went to centre and as usual did our SPO. However, today, I keep feeling that the left of my back is warm and while doing my GYFM, I saw a little girl, she seems sad, wonder what is it. Anyway, like what shifu always say, let the images come and go as it means nothing. Other than the image, as usual I always feel a magnetic energy going into my body and everytime I move a bit the connection is gone, so I need to move back to the same position to get back the same feeling.

Did healing today too, however, I seem very aware of touching people and this thought always restrict me to touch people. I need to get rid of this.

22 Sept 09

I tried doing the DA Pei Water this morning, however, i only manage to chat 10x and my whole body is wet as if I just came out from a shower. While chanting, I keep seeing flashing of lights and my chest feels very tight too. Wonder this is correct? I think tonight I need to continue the DA Pei Water.

Shocked

Today, I send my grandma to my aunty’s place and stayed for a cup of coffee. While chatting with my aunty, I found out that she actually chants daily (I have no idea what verse) in pali. Upon hearing it, I was shocked and happy for her. Actually I dont really have a good impression of her however when I hear that she does chanting daily, my impression changed. I even asked her to chant ‘OMPMH’ and after all her chants, I told her to return the chanting merits back to her kamar debtors. While sharing with her, she was also impressed that I’m into buddist studies as she never thought that I would take up. Well, I guess people change during their years and everyday is new beginning.

Married Couples

The other day I chanced upon an article titled ‘The Mathematics of True Love’ and I find it very meaningful. There are actually 5 types of married couples:

1) Volatiles – could go either way: romantic, passionate, heated arguments with cycles of fighters and sex.

2) Validating – stable: calm, intimate, value companionship and share experiences rather than individuality.

3)  Avoiders – stable: avoid confrontation and conflict, interact only in positive range of their emotions.

4) Hostile – unstable: conflict-avoiding wife, validating husband.

5) Hostile detached – unstable: volatile husband, validating wife.

Do think about it, which do you fall in and why do we fall in that type? Is it healthy for the marriage? Do you stay on just because you want to have companion?

As mentioned previously from my husband ‘

“Human tends to set conditions on another in our daily life. We expect our wife or husband to be loyal, expects our friends to be there for us, expects our family to support etc…

When such conditions are not fufilled one starts to get disappointed, frustrated or even angry. Such love are selfish and demanding. Such love is called conditions love. In fact, it is not consider love at all.

Universal love should be equal, relentless and non-return like a mother to a child. Understanding is the key word to prevent grudges or quarrels.

So think twice next time before you think of picking up a fight.“

Yesterday (23-Apr) I went to the centre to xiu xing. What shufu said was very right. He mentioned that I fluctuate very fast. I think it is due to me concentration power. I notice, if I loss my concentration power, I’m like just sitting down doing nothing then all the funny funny thought start to come to my mind. E.g. work lah, how is my mil, what to eat later etc….. Then came the explanation on the chakra point. I macham like all block. This is very bad… I need to try and let go of everything. Need to have the dont care attitude (emptiness is matter and matter is emptiness) then I think I can xiu better. Today when at the centre, doing the SOP, i feel that my whole body is numb, especially doing the chanting for the ‘Om Ma Ni Peh May Hong’. I felt that I cannot pronounce the word correctly. Then this numbness spread to my whole body.

For the past few days when I was doing the SOP, especially the KYFM, I feel goosebump on my whole body. Then I felt scared and stopped. Dono if such feeling is correct. Other than that, nothing much. As for my daily like, cant think of anything special. let me see…. Hmmm…. as for my temper, i think it is much much better. I talk to my mum more often but end up I talk less to my grandma….. dono how come. Everytime seems very sain, like dono what to do and there is nothing much to do too….. But now everythime when I drive, I always feel sleepy and tired. Maybe it’s just my thinking…. (lazy to drive)…. :p

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